Purple drank!
I’m writing this blog entry with my ear against my wrist. One, because this ward is so loud and two - just to remind myself that although I’m nearly ready to give up my cheeky little heart isn’t. Today was a throwing the towel in day.
I’ve had lumber punchers lots of times. They aren’t the nicest and last about fifteen minutes as needles are put in the base of your spine to drain spinal fluid. My l.p today lasted 45 minutes and took 3 doctors, 6 attempts and the needle hitting bone a few times. I’m good with pain so didn’t cry however my nurse had to leave as they had to dig around for the fluid and it grossed her out.
They’ve found a lump behind my eye which is odd too - noone is quite sure what it is BUT my sight is absolutely perfect which is real nice to know.
I also met a crimibabe today. Ok he was a criminal possibly not a babe and he did smell like wee but he said if I get any trouble he’s willing to add five years on to his sentence for me. Ideal.
They are trying me on a new tablet but the neuro has said these headaches may never go away I’ll just have to have pain management forever and acupuncture and Botox?! I’m going to look like Joan rivers.
Today I thought I was going to get some answers, I just had a feeling but when you don’t get a diagnosis sometimes you just get a new tablet and hope for the best. A diagnosis right now would be a lifeline, I’d know why I’m in pain and I could understand and they could fix it but right now it’s back to square one and square one is a really rubbish place to be.
Anyway! I’ve just realised I can make “purple drank” with the codine and 7up I’ve got. So I’m off to experiment.
X
Tuesday 15th May.
Today I cried for approximately 1 hour. Which is 1 hour more than yesterday and probably 1 hour more than I’d ever admit to out loud. See today I felt sorry for myself, I hate that in others so again this isn’t something I’d admit to whether it be to a friend or a relative or the operator because apparently legally the operator has to listen to you for like 3 minutes or so before they can put the phone down. But they won’t have to worry because I won’t be calling any time soon.
The thing with my diagnosis is I can’t actually point to where the pain is. I could point to my head but I couldn’t pin point the source and nor can the doctors. Recently I spent another eight days in hospital with everything from brain surgery to MS being suggested to me each morning. Sent home with a bag of tablets that would definately make me a millionaire if I decided on being a black market babe. The MRI and CT scans came back clear which on one side of the coin is ace, because it means nothing life threathening is going on. However, the thought of “If they had found something, they could fix it and the pain would go away” has definately gone through my head. Don’t get me wrong I am so thankful nothing horrific is going on, but after all this time I just want someone to make the pain go away.
Anyway today. Now I’ve given myself a bit of a talking to I feel a bit of a dick for crying about it. This morning, I woke up and couldn’t see at all. The last two days I’ve felt like - you know when you go into those fun houses as a kid and there are those corridors that move and you have to run through - well, like that all the time. But this morning I was pretty blind for a good 10 minutes. My hearing on the right side keeps going too which is annoying. Like not totallly, but like I’m underwater. I went to my Mums because Sarah has to go to work and now I’m not working feeling like that and being on your own is not the most fun. It’s like new street station at my Mums house, it’s wonderful and ridiculous all at the same time. With three dogs, my brother and his friends and his constant use of speaker phone instead of actually holding the phone to his ear soon had me asking to return to my little house.
The next appointment I can get at my doctors is next Tuesday and if I go to A+E i’ll be admitted, so it’s a little bit of a waiting game. But I know that at somepoint, maybe not for a while - I’m gunna be right as rain again. And some people don’t have that light at the end of it all, so although I had a bit of a hiccup of being all like “ahhhhhhhh woe is me” I’ve realised I’m actually a pretty lucky little lady.
Anyway! that’s that.
No more moaning.
xxx
jodi ann bickley.: brains 'n' stuff.
Foreman magnum crowding and changes in intercranial structure. And Pressure in part of my eyes beginning with o. (?)
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